WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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