LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
