She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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