she looked like the bat from fern gully.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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