Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
