my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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