So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He? As in you personified your dick?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
