well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
