Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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