mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
