boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
