I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
