she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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