DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
