the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
