Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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