How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
