my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
