it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
