This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
