We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
