He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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