Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
