you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just want to make out with him forever
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
