He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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