I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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