Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
