My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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