My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
