it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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