a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
