am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
