Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
