4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
