smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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