I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
