I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
