I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
