Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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