Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
