"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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