ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
