Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
