i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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