I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
is that a dick in a sweater?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
