Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
