According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
cat food counts as protein by the way
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
