Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
