I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
