YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
