I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
