last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
